Two Man Tuesday

Welp, we needed a winning night and we did NOT get one. We have been getting better at the NBA and NHL but as we’ve gotten that on track the CBB picks have gone right down the shitter, its almost impressive really, almost like Vegas (your sports book) knows something. Happy Tuesday y’all, there’s officially less than a week left on the picks and we went 3–7 last night bringing us to 305–305 overall. Ill be sure to end us on an odd number so we cant go .500 so this is the real test, 1 week to NOT go under .500. 3–7 is quite bad but we were actually close to being 5–5, 2 meaningless buzzer beaters sunk us, if you can call going from 5–5 to 3–7 being “sunk”. Devin fucking sucks at college basketball now, we all knew that his picking winners based off alumni would wear off at some point. Like when someone picks based off the mascots or color of uniforms and is getting it correct, it fades after a while, I was just hoping it was going to last a little longer, also Rafi got his hockey pick as wrong as you can get a pick, blame it on the Sunday funday bud. I figure from now till the end itll be 5 games a day so lets try not to suck.

USC vs Gonzaga -8.5 o/u 153 — Denis has been watching march madness so he doesn’t suck at college basketball picks as much as the rest of us (us being Devin, who doesnt watch) and has decided to go with Gonzaga and the over. Denis says Gonzaga plays ok D but scores a lot and is the best team in the country so why not. My only objection would be that USC and Houston are under the radar MONSTARs, they both seem like great teams that no one watched this year because of where they play and oh ya, covid. I think Gonzaga already beat USC this year though so Denis is probably right, go Gonzaga.

UCLA vs Michigan -6.5 o/u 135.5 — Ross is here for this one because Devin sucks at picking now and Ross is pretty good at picking whatever. I forgot that Ross, because he is a ND football fan, HATES Michigan so Ross of course went with UCLA +6.5 and under 135.5 points. I don’t know whether or not this is a good bet, UCLA is good and seems to have the march magic on their side so maybe it is? What I DO know is here are some things Michigan should change their football stadium into now that they are a basketball school; A giant flea market on Saturdays, great for families. A farmers market, also great for families. Out door Covid learning area, you can easily teach kids while keeping them at a distance, you could have like 30 classes going on at once. A storage facility would be more useful than it is now, it would also be more useful as a parking lot. Hopefully this list brings us some good juju Ross, go UCLA.

Charlotte vs Washington +3.5 o/u 230 — This Celtics south game was supposed to go to Jacob but he hasn’t responded to my texts and he also hasn’t been great at picks so im going to do it. Im taking the Wizards +3.5 OVER 230. The wizards have been MUCH better over the past month and as we all know from Lord of the Rings, a wizard cant be late, they arrive exactly when they mean to. The worst thing a hornets can do is sting you, well you wanna know what else stings? A lightning bolt from a friggin wizard, that’s what. Wizards can also teleport, fly and have familiars, hornets only check 2 of those 3 boxes. Go Wizards.

Hawks vs Suns -6.5 o/u 221- Lauren is back for more basketball picks because even though the Cs lost last night she still hasn’t picked a double loser in days. Lauren says we could all use a little Sun right now so she is on the Suns and the under. Did you know that the sun is 93 million miles away and its trying to kill us? Its trying to cook us slowly before it eats us, like a brisket or some really good BBQ, speaking of that, yall ever see that movie fried green tomatoes? GREAT chick flick with Kathy Bates, but they kill a dude and use him as BBQ meat at a slow cook place in the south to get rid of the body, FANTASTIC idea, watch the movie, it takes place in the 60s i want to say, maybe late 50s? The suns have played a lot of low scoring games so this is probably a good pick, go Lauren, go SUNS.

Devils +165 vs Bruins -185 o/u 5.5 — Sarah is here for NHL because I didn’t feel like texting someone else about it and I was already texting her. Sarah is on the bruins with the over and im with her. The Bruins are going to win this one big, im talking 5–2 victory, I think the goal spread is 1.5, if you feel like taking that go for it. GO BRUINS.

Picks-

UCLA +6.5 under 135.5

Gonzaga -8.5 over 153

Bruins -185 over 5.5

Wizards +3.5 over 230

Suns -6.5 under 221

@joshkaplanjk on Instagram and twitter

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